To : af_somrita.ganchoudhuri@singaporetech.edu.sg
From : 2001154@sit.singaporetech.edu.sg
Subject : Introduction Letter
Dear Professor Somrita,
What is the first thing
that come to your mind, when we came across, Institute of Technical Education
(ITE)? Is it good or bad thing? For me, ITE stand for It is The End, in other
words is something bad. But, after experiencing the ITE path, I am wrong, is
not supposed to be call It is The End perhaps it meant to be It is To Enjoy!
Yes, my first step in
the tertiary education was in ITE, taking a course in Higher Nitec in
Mechatronics Engineering and after 2 years of completion in ITE, I managed to
pursue my studies in Diploma. Taking Diploma in Automation and Mechatronic
System at Ngee Ann Polytechnic (NP). With the hustle in my Diploma and clearing
my National Service (NS), I currently pursuing Bachelor’s in Civil Engineering
in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). I choose Bachelor’s in Civil Engineering
because in this world, Civil Engineering is one of the important key factors
for the world to move forward. Example like buildings, structure, roads which are
needed to build for the convenient for humans. To add on, I am interested in
roads and cars, which is why, another reason that I choose Civil Engineering to
pursue my degree.
In SIT, there is Effective
Communication module that is offer to us. I am fortunate, having the chance to have
this module as it can helps to improve my English structure and improve my body
posture when presenting. As I have a loud voice, hence with shaping my weaknesses,
my presentation skills and confidence level will be up-to-standard. Besides
that, my aim from this module is to gain self confidence of myself and speaking
a proper English language.
With that, I have summarised
about myself and goals. Appreciate your kind attention. Thank You! 😊
Informative letter! A lot of depth and able to understand your background clearly. Well-presented information.
ReplyDeleteHi Rasul -
ReplyDeleteLoved the positive energy on your letter, especially about what it means to be a student at any level. Overall this was a pleasant read and easy to understand.
See you in class! x
Hey Rasul,
ReplyDeleteI admire your positivity despite thinking that ITE was "The End". Learning is a lifelong journey and I can really see that you strive towards it.
Let us have a good 3 years in SIT!
Arsyad
Hi Rasul,
ReplyDeleteI already love where you are going with the first sentence. It really capture reader’s attention.
The content is also really refreshing and fun to read. I also agree that it definitely is not the end of your journey. Your positivity will definitely help you go far in life and I believe that you will achieve great things.
Look forward to reading your blogs in the future as well.
Well put together blog. Content is straight forward and easy to understand! Keep up your good work and let's improve ourselves together!!
ReplyDeleteDear Rasul,
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this letter. I enjoyed reading your letter.
Although I enjoyed reading it, it sounds less academic, and that's one of my concerns. There are few issues to consider regarding language use. Below are my suggestions:
1. What is the first thing that come to your mind, when we came across, Institute of Technical Education (ITE)? Is it good or bad thing? For me, ITE stand for It is The End, in other words is something bad. But, after experiencing the ITE path, I am wrong, is not supposed to be call It is The End perhaps it meant to be It is To Enjoy! > Too casual?
2. Pay attention to sentence construction! Some are incomplete:
Taking Diploma in Automation and Mechatronic System at Ngee Ann Polytechnic (NP).
With the hustle in my Diploma and clearing my National Service (NS), I currently pursuing Bachelor’s in Civil Engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT).
I choose Bachelor’s in Civil Engineering because in this world, Civil Engineering is one of the important key factors for the world to move forward
To add on, I am interested in roads and cars, which is why, another reason that I choose Civil Engineering to pursue my degree.
Example like buildings, structure, roads which are needed to build for the convenient for humans.
As I have a loud voice, hence with shaping my weaknesses, my presentation skills and confidence level will be up-to-standard.
Besides that, my aim from this module is to gain self confidence of myself and speaking a proper English language.
3. Verb Tenses:
I choose Bachelor’s in Civil Engineering because in this world, Civil Engineering is one of the important key factors for the world to move forward.
In SIT, there is Effective Communication module that is offer to us.
I am fortunate, having the chance to have this module as it can helps to improve my English structure and improve my body posture when presenting.
Let's work on this. I look forward to seeing how you can polish the letter.
Best wishes,
Somrita
Dear Rasul,
ReplyDeleteThank you for such interactive introduction. I like how you started the email with such unconventional method but I think it is a little informal. I do believe it is still possible to do so by restructuring that with 1 starting question, less the exclamation mark and more concise in delivering that experience. Also, this sound more like an fun article rather than a formal introduction or personal reflection. Also, while your content can be express in this manner, this assignment have a few guildlines to introduce yourself which I think would be wise to include. ‘But, after experiencing, …’ seems a bit draggy and has quite a few commas.
I love how you explored various vocab and while it is clear in painting a picture of your education background, I think it can be scaled down to go straight to the as I feel that it is a little lengthy and over informative. Example like buildings, structure…’ sounds incomplete and feel like you are speaking instead of writing. I recommend using Microsoft words and grammerly to rule out fundamental general mistakes. Thereafter, read out loud to check the fluency in accordance to the context.
‘As I have a loud voice, hence…’ sounds a little weird to me but I get what you are trying to express. ‘Speaking a proper English language’, I think English is sufficient and language is a little redundant in this case.
Lastly, your closing is positive but rather than ‘appreciate your kind attention’, could be something else like looking forward to work together but I understand different people have a different style of writing. Also, don’t forget to add email/letter closing such as regards, your sincerely follow by your name and/or appointment.
These are just my 5 cent, I am not a master of English, hope you don’t mind and I look forward to improving together. Nevertheless I genuinely enjoy your content and glad to see the first perspective of you through this assignment.
Regards,
Kelvin Heng